Wow, that was close lol

Good god Britain, do you have any idea how close you were to putting us into the most irrecoverable, disastrous spiral of economic death we have ever seen?!

Seriously, that was fucking close.

In other words, following our recent General Election, we were very, VERY close to the two LOSERS (i.e. 2nd and 3rd place) getting together to combine into a majority and elect a new leader who has no experience or justification as to why s/he should be able to run the country....that's a great outcome after over 30m people voted for the leader of their choice. To add insult to injury, it could have quite easily been no other than Labour's Secretary of State for Schools, Mr Balls.....how fitting. 

This almost happened despite all the leaders, throughout the campaign and the live debates, constantly reiterating the need for 'fairness' and particularly Labour with their quote: "A future, fair for all" - My big fat British arse!!!

Somebody please explain to me how, in the name of all that is questionably holy, can the following, in any sense of the word, be even remotely classed as "fair":

1. Conservatives have received approx 2.1 Million more votes than Labour
2. Conservatives have gained 97 seats (even better than when Thatcher was elected)
3. Labour have lost 91 seats (There worse loss since 1930's)
4. Liberal Democrats have lost 5 seats, despite their most prominent campaign for decades

• Conclusion: Hung Parliament, with Labour still in power and the LibDem's (in 3rd place) as 'King Maker', ultimately deciding who runs the country.

This is an absolute disgrace in every capacity and is a truly embarrassing to British democracy.

As insult to injury, Gordon Brown announced he will resign as Labour leader - Now why has this comes as a shock to people? Anybody with half a brain should have known that Gordon would step down based on the fact he failed to gain a majority at this election, it was already written in the stars!

Why are people talking like this is some big, selfless action that he didn't have to do? He was useless 3 years ago and he's useless now. It wasn't a selfless act for the good of the country, it was a cheap and desperate stunt to get the LibDems to talk to them - It was dressed up!

Labour, in 13 years, took us from £300B of debt to £900B following an increase in public spending of 54% (which you will no doubt agree has been extremely ineffective) and would have probably been better spent being pissed up the wall outside a kebab shop. We were the last to come out of recession because of them (and him) so somebody please tell me why 1. Anybody voted for him and 2. Anybody voted for him?

Based on current evidence, I can only concluded that anybody who voted Labour and was pro Lib/Lab is either clinically insane or a complete waster that cares for nothing except the skanky benefits they claim every week because they can't be arsed to get a job (appreciate there are some valid exceptions, but the people who truly can't work are not effected by this under a Tory government).

A lot of people who stuck with Labour for some reason think that Tory policy's are prehistoric and that Tories only favour the rich - This is stereotypical excrement and to be honest, I could go on forever about it so I shouldn't start.

Anyway, order is restored. We finally have a Tory PM in the house after much deliberation, accompanied by Nick Clegg and his minions. I personally think this is a great result for our country and I look forward to speaking with those Labour nutters who have egg on their face this time next year. Meanwhile.....

UK National Debt Clock - DebtBombshell.com

Let it snow...

In Sweden, snow remains on the ground for at least 6 months of the year. They measure their snowfall in metres, not inches.

Why is England so damn useless at dealing with bad weather? Many will argue we are ill prepared. They are probably right....no, they are right. But why? We have a cave in the North West that produces enough grit salt to last for at least the next 500 years, yet the government put a restriction on how much a council can store at any one given time, despite constantly warning us about climate change!

Anyway, that's not the main reason. One poxy centimetre falls in the UK and the trains, planes and automobile's grind to a halt. People start flapping like a featherless bird, driving like idiots (by that I mean over cautious and un-confidently) and the biggest news in the UK every damn day on the TV - "Britains Big Freeze" - Even though there are blatantly more important things going on in the world. Do we really need to be told every five minutes:

"Severe weather is affecting the UK and people are stranded and buried alive. Use caution and don't go out unless it's life and death because you probably won't return"

We all know this, we have windows, and eyes. All this is doing is hyping up what is really nothing, getting everybody worried and then people are driving like complete imbecile's as the media spin them into auto-panic. That is why we can't handle the weather.

Anybody that said they can't get to work because of the snow is a useless liar. You are simply riding off the back of the media hype and can't be bothered to get out of bed. The proof is below.

Anyway, the point of this post is that more snow is on the way and people are moaning about it - "I wish it would just go away now" - D'you know what? Just shut up, because nearly everybody loves snow (or at least did) and we see it once in a blue moon. Stop wishing it away, we will soon have our dismal drizzle and pathetic sun back so don't worry and guess what, you will be moaning about the weather again!

This is our office in Milton Keynes - Not a single other light on in the entire business park except ours. This is proof that you can get to work when you get off your arse. We had about 10cm's in total.

Lucozade is the best medicine in the world!

The title of this post is absolute bollocks.

With the current pain of swine flu pandemics and all sorts of crap floating around as we draw closer to winter, I can't help but notice the amount of people that are drinking Lucozade when they are ill.

When I ask people why they are drinking it, they don't actually know why. The best that somebody has come up with is "Because it gives you energy...durgh!". Let me tell you people, even Lucozade/GlaxoSmithKline don't promote it as an aid for illness or recovery from illness!

I'll keep this brief, but back in the day where we knew pretty much bugger all about medicine, Lucozade was used in hospitals for no good reason at all. They stopped doing this for a reason.

Everybody thinks that Lucozade is made from top secret, super ingredients that causes this magical, syrupy affair of dazzling orange and intertwining electro bubbles. The fact is, it's basically made from sugar, colours, preservatives and bubbles. The reason it gives you a 'boost' is because there is so much sugar in it that your body's blood/sugar levels go absolutely crazy, then 5 minutes later, after your body is trying to cleanse itself from the dangerously high amounts of sugar in it's stream, it over-cleanses itself and you hit a low or 'come down'. It's completely pointless and actually does more bad than good. You think that the 'medical effect' of the 'zade is wearing off 15 minutes after having a glass and that your illness is starting to come through again.....OMG! I better have another glass!!!

There is one potential 'plus' about Lucozade, and that is that the preservatives used in it can help replace some of your lost antibodies, but you only need to do that if you are recovering from having severe diarrhoea or vomiting because your body has lost some of it's necessities (although not to a point where you notice or need to worry, you will regain these quickly just by starting to eat and drink again). You probably lose more antibodies from your blood trying to cleanse itself from the crap you've just put in your body from the Lucozade than you do when you've got the shits!

All in all, stop kidding yourself. If you are ill and feel better after drinking lucozade, then you are not ill - Get to fucking work, the miraculous, magical recovery you have just experienced from drinking Lucozade is all in your head.

Incomprehensible Technology

I recently returned from the USA, where I was lucky enough to see the space shuttle Endeavour launch on the 15^th July at 6:03 ET. After Endeavour vanished into the clouds, I began thinking about the mind boggling technophuck that is, a shuttle launch. I find it absolutely incomprehensible how human’s (who once grunted all day long and wrote on cave walls) have created a machine that has a launch mass of 4.5 million pounds (or 2,041 metric tons), is propelled through the stratosphere by two rockets that provide 1,315 tons of thrust and then withstands a re-entry to earth at 1,650 degrees Celsius with people inside it! WTF?!

It made me think about Apollo 11 and the first time man (debatably) landed on the moon (which coincidentally, was 40 years ago this month) and the image that comes to my head when I do so – the picture of an Astronaut sticking a flag in the moon. I then began thinking about the advancements since 1969 and the advancements that are lined up for the future and instantly, a different image popped into my head and I felt obliged to write about it.

For those of you that are oblivious to technology and have been living under a typewriter since 1986, the little fella in this picture is ASIMO, or Advanced Step in Innovative MObility. This little Humanoid is one impressive little sod and the first model of him was released in 2000. He is made to resemble a small Astronaut with a backpack. He can climb stairs, run, recognise your face and call you by your name, move out the way if he thinks you are trying to pass him, wave back, understand instructions, distinguish between objects (e.g. a chair and a table) and the most cool of all, be controlled by you, using only your mind (i.e. tell him to do something in your brain without speaking or moving and he will do it - a headset is of course required). He’s even conducted a ruddy orchestra!

I could ramble on forever about this little dude's uber capabilities but instead, I want to talk about the ASIMO advert but more specifically, what the above picture from the ad symbolises. It may look like 'just a picture of ASIMO with a space suit in a museum', but you must appreciate the irony in what he is doing.

When he approaches the suit, he recognises that it’s shaped like a human and you can’t help but imagine that he is surprised when he realises it looks like him – he waves in curiosity and wonders why the suit doesn’t respond, whilst gazing up in awe. Take some time to think about that....

....a machine that recognises an oversized, superior version of himself and then questions the objects intelligence because it doesn’t respond! It’s likely the majority of the people reading this will not get as hard about that sentence as I will, but you have to appreciate this undeniably epic advancement in technology over a mere 50 years and I believe this picture truly represents not only such an advancement, but the ‘world of tomorrow’ without uttering a single word. Again, you have to appreciate the irony.

This ingenious maestro can be rented at about £85,000 per year and there is currently 100 or so in the world. Check out the full commercial below.

Phucking Hypocrites

Today, Michael Jackson died aged 50 years old. Arguably the most inspirational, influential and most talented individual to have walked this earth. As the day has gone on, I have grown increasingly frustrated at the way people are reacting to this news.

For years (15-20 perhaps?), 95% of the people I know and 100% of the media have attacked him, calling him everything under the sun – Paedo’, kiddy fiddler, freak, Wacko Jacko – He’s been called all of them. One of the main reasons for this is that the media feeds off the smoke generated from a silent fart and as we know, blow things out of proportion. Then, instantly, because MJ looked and acted differently to most of us, human’s became automatically scared and defensive about MJ and thus, absorbed the crap that the media spat out. This is evident again today because the whole world is mourning over his death. What a bunch of phucking hypocrites!

How can the media spend years looking at MJ under a twisted, manipulative magnifying glass, always choosing to see the bad side of him and the things he did, influencing the viewing public across the world to despise him and brand him, and then suddenly, when I wake up this morning they are playing his music videos all over the TV, spending hours talking about him and how devastated they are that he is gone and that the world will never be the same.

His music is being played on every radio station, he holds at least the top 15 album downloads in the UK and the World, 1 Million people PER HOUR are looking at his profile on Wikipedia as I write this post. It’s absolutely insane that the media and the naive people who listen to them have been destroying his life for years, turning him into the ‘freak’ that they have branded him and then suddenly when he is dead, everybody becomes so interested in him – he is still the same person and has the same achievements today as he had 1, 5 and 10 years ago!!

I’m not saying there wasn’t anything wrong with MJ. He obviously had his issues which stemmed from his childhood but I didn’t automatically brand him a paedophile. It was obvious in the documentaries and footage of him, his residence in ‘Neverland’ etc that he longed for a real childhood and therefore wanted to spend time around children. It then turned out that his insecurities came out when being around children and thus, created smoke around his sanity and ‘sexual preference’. The difference between me and Joe Bloggs in this situation is that I understood he had issues, needed help etc but I still respected him profoundly for his incomparable talent and for what he brought to this world, which I feel greatly outweighs any speculation or truth around the bad things he did. I didn’t just go from ‘I love MJ, Thriller is wicked, but now the media say’s he is a dirty old man so I will never listen to his music again, now he is dead and I’m upset and will go and buy all his albums and keep the neighbours up for a week’.

There is so much truth in the saying “You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone”. MJ brought so much to this world that even thought 99.9% of the world’s population had never even met him, most people are now mourning his death like a brother would, and that is a true testament to the sheer brilliance of the guy. The difference is that the hypocrites should be holding their heads in shame and realise they are probably responsible for the death of the world’s most talented men instead of showing now that they actually care about him, just because the media are playing his damn videos on the TV.

British Weather...

Somebody recently said to me:

"Has this winter been too long and hard? I don't know about you but I'm really bored of this drearyness. Common god, pull your finger out - give us some sunshine. I feel like a vampire.

And for the smug lot in the southern hemisphere who are having a constant summer ... I hate you."

The fact of the matter is, the reason we have bad weather in the UK is simple: We are a nation of moaners. We moan about the weather way too much and therefore are punished by the god he refers to, who pulled his finger out many years ago and walked away when he ran out of heavenly aspirin from the migranes we give him....

When it's hot, it's too hot and we moan. When it's cold, we moan that we want it to be hot and have sun.

There is simply no pleasing Brits and there never will be so who can blame him for smiting us with hostile overcast and blades of ice on a consistent basis. He is simply cleansing the Southern Hemisphere by giving them our portion of good climate and regurgitating their dismal exhausts on our poor excuse for a Country and the negative specimens within.

All in all, it's the stereotypical Brits that are to blame, not the almighty.... and the fact that I'm moaning about moaners is just ironic :-)

Welcome!

Hello to nobody!

As this is my first post, I am effictively welcoming nobody so i'll keep it brief.

Goose